Body Confidence

How many times have you clocked a beautiful girl, probably “bigger” than you and just thought wow, she looks amazing. I would bet a lot of money that her body confidence and heightened sense of self worth has made her look that bit more attractive than you feel you are. I am such a slave to shifting the last two stone or a set amount of weight that I myself have dictated I need to lose, that I often feel a bit miserable in my own skin. Girl talk nearly always includes one of us slagging off a part of our bodies we can’t stand.

I am away with friends for a few days and have braved a bikini, (aided by one of my best friends amazing confidence, Jess), sometimes topless, for the first time in at least 7 years. Why? Why do I feel I have to hide my body away because it doesn’t resemble the woman on the front of women’s health? I can guarantee that my friends haven’t sat and picked apart my body and cellulite, my husband definitely not (boobs right 🤣) so why do I get such major hang ups over my “bigger than ideal” body? I want to be healthier and want to feel more comfortable in my own skin but I really want to stop putting my happiness in my body off until I weigh a specific number on the scales. I’m going to bet that even when it does read that number. I won’t feel happy with how I look. Does anyone really love their body in its entirety or do we all have bits we would change?

The movement has shifted away from diets and quick fixes in favour of lifestyle overhauls, calorie deficit with wiggle room for the odd pizza and bottle of wine along the way. I still don’t feel I can let myself go off a “diet” though and accept it might take time to get the body I want. I want it next week not next year but how stupid is that? I wish I could work out how many stones I’ve gained and lost over the years, it certainly makes sense that the focus is shifting away from a diet as such as for people like me, a label clearly adds a level of self sabotage. Being “good” on a diet or “naughty” makes me a failure at least once a week. We must look to the reasons why we overindulge but what if the reason is we are just greedy and really like fine food and wine 🤣. I would hate to lie on my death bed and think if only I had eaten that. 🤔

So what to do, I’m going to keep trying to talk about my own body how I would talk about a friend’s. It’s always listening and I’ve been really mean about it for a very long time. I am going to keep trying to lower my body fat and gain some fitness in time for my best friends wedding but maybe the pressure of a number on the scale needs to go. How to change the habits of the last 15 years 🤷🏻‍♀️.